If you had told me ten years ago that my path to peace would involve hot flashes, mood swings, and an alarming number of conversations with myself in the bathroom mirror, I would’ve laughed. Or cried. Or both — which, coincidentally, is the same way I react to Target receipts these days.

Welcome to Zenopause — a place where the chaos of perimenopause meets the calm (and comedy) of spiritual growth.

There’s a question that’s been circling in my head lately:

Who might I be if I wasn’t who I thought I was?

For most of my life, I wore the labels: Mom, wife, friend, do-er of all the things. But somewhere between sleepless nights, hormonal hijackings, and my brain deciding to forget why I walked downstairs to the basement, I realized I didn’t know who I was outside of all the roles.

That’s when I turned to books — not the “10 Easy Recipes for Busy Moms” kind (though, let’s be real, I need those too), but the ones that make you sit down and think, Wow, maybe I’m more than the chaos around me.

What These Books Taught Me (Between Hot Flashes)

🧘 Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty

Shetty asks us to let go of identities that no longer serve us. He writes, “We become what we think.” Some days my thoughts are “I’m a zen goddess,” and other days it’s “I would commit a felony for a good night’s sleep.” Either way, I’m learning to notice my thoughts instead of becoming them.

🙏 Advice Not Given by Mark Epstein

Epstein beautifully merges Buddhist wisdom with modern psychology, reminding me that suffering isn’t a punishment — it’s an invitation. He says, “Our fear of discomfort is the real source of our suffering.” In other words: maybe the hot flash isn’t the enemy… maybe it’s my fight against it. (Though, spoiler alert: I’m still buying that cooling pillow.)

🧠 Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza

Dispenza made me realize that the story I tell myself — the “I’m just an anxious person” narrative — is optional. As he puts it: “You can’t create a new future while holding on to the emotions of the past.” Translation: maybe I can leave behind my old anxious self, even if she still texts me occasionally at 3 a.m.

🌱 The Art of Mindful Living by Thich Nhat Hanh

This book gave me the reminder I didn’t know I needed: “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” Which is great, except sometimes my “conscious breathing” sounds more like panting through a hot flash. Still — it works.

😂 The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

Manson basically gave me permission to stop trying to please everyone. His blunt wisdom: “Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for.” For me? I’m willing to struggle for inner peace, a little dignity, and maybe air conditioning that works faster.

My Zenopause Takeaway

So here I am: sweaty, occasionally weepy, and surprisingly hopeful. Perimenopause hasn’t been the easiest chapter of my life, but it’s teaching me that I don’t have to cling to who I thought I was.

I can let go of the anxious mom, the perfectionist, the woman who thought peace was only possible in a Himalayan monastery. Turns out, peace can happen right here — in my messy kitchen, with a fan blasting, a candle burning, and a hot cup of tea in hand (decaf, of course).

So if you’ve ever thought, “Who even am I right now?,” know that you’re not alone. Maybe we don’t need all the answers. Maybe it’s enough to laugh, breathe, and take this thing one panic attack at a time.

P.S. Tell me — what’s the wildest thing you’ve done (or almost done) during a hot flash moment? Don’t leave me hanging.