Last night, T decided sleep is optional and self-control is overrated. Midnight hits, and instead of closing his eyes like a normal tween, he launches into a 13-hour YouTube binge. The content? Some guy… playing Minecraft. Not playing it himself. Watching someone else play it.

Naturally, I point out the absurdity of this choice. Why watch when you could just do?

Cue the fatal comeback, delivered deadpan, with the precision of a sniper:

“Well, you watch HGTV and don’t decorate.”

…Checkmate. I’ve been roasted by my own offspring.

Needless to say, electronics are on a 4 week-long vacation in the Witness Protection Program. The iPad is hidden. Again. And my “easy child” is testing the perimeter like a baby velociraptor.

Parenting is basically a never-ending game of whack-a-mole—except the moles are smarter, sneakier, and come armed with better comebacks than HGTV.